Thorns and Thrones

One of the major themes that God has been laying on my heart is actually a question.  A question that has been echoing in my head for months...a question that I must answer every minute of every day.  As I begin this journey into pastoral ministry at Trinity, and I see the winding path of pride and self that litters my way--marked by the lives of leaders, both failures and successes.  In the midst of this journey, God asks me, "David...My kingdom or yours?"  I've been involved in a few churches in my life.  In some, the line between building the pastor's kingdom and God's is far too blurry.  With building campaigns and website front pages, it often seems as though the fame is indeed aimed at and received by a person...one that is not Christ.  Yet, when my heart hurts for ministries led in pride, I hear the ever present wisdom of my mother, echoing the words of Jesus: "First take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."  So I journey...knowing that with ministry comes a constant begging for an answer to God's question, "Your kingdom or mine?"  I ask God for humility and for clear eyes to see my calling as one of servanthood and self-sacrifice for God's glory, and not mine.
This is summed up well in a poem from B. J. Hoff titled "Thorns and Thrones."  It echoes the struggle in my heart for an easy path, and not the one of sacrifice.

I’d rather gather roses without thorns, Lord,

A bright and fragrant, beautiful bouquet

To decorate my world with pretty pleasures-

The brambles and the briers, I’ll throw away.

But You say I must pluck the thorns as well, Lord,

Although they’ll pierce my heart and sting my soul;

You say that pain’s a part of peace, You tell me

That breaking is a part of being whole.

You say that if I truly want to know You,

I must count everything but Christ a loss;

You ask me to exchange my way for yours, Lord

To trade contentment’s kingdom for a cross.

And so I come before you, weak but willing;

I seek to walk your path and not my own;

I choose to share the crown of thorns You wore, Lord

Until I kneel before your royal throne. 

This journey will involve thorns and thrones...with the constant longing for an answer to God's question:  "Will you build my kingdom or your own?"